I do believe being an only child has advantages and disadvantages. The major advantage is more intelligence and motivation while the major disadvantage is a lack of self-control at times and the anger you get when you are rejected by others and smaller amount of social skills. However, I do not feel like I am the best example of an only child because I grew up in other people’s houses (like when my parents were at work before I was at an age when I could stay home by myself) and I was able to experience personally with other people’s problems and feelings even though they were not my siblings (and some weren’t even my friends).

I do not know what will happen when I grow up, hopefully, I will be successful enough to be able to take care of both of my parents alone and hopefully, I can find a family of my own to help care for my parents because, as you guys posted, taking care of someone all alone can be pretty difficult emotionally.

I am totally with you on this. I am 43 and in the exact same boat as you. I care for my elderly parents aged 71 & 79. My mum is still active, but my dad has the early stages of parkinson’s disease. I have to cope all alone, every day and I am scared, as I have never arranged a funeral before, or even how to go about it (when the time comes). I had failed relationships (I am still single) and I have no kids of my own (I was never maternal.). My friends are all married with kids, and have their own lives. I have no-one to go holidays, cinema, days out etc with (Please readers, don’t say singles holidays as I cannot afford the companies who run them). I would be lost without my PC. It is SO lonely and isolated.

To readers who say – Get a dog – I was never ‘allowed’ to have ANY pets growing up, despite both my parents growing up with dogs (plus we had a big house/garden and could accommodate a pet). As my parents soul carer, I moved back in with them (as I don’t drive etc) and at 43, I am STILL ‘not allowed’ to have a dog or a pet of my own to care for (except goldfish and that does not interest me) – because it’s THEIR house and mum does not want ‘filthy animals around’ (her words not mine). Even though I am their carer, I have threatened to move out again, but mum makes me feel guilty and I get tears etc, that I ‘hate’ her. (For by, I cannot afford a place of my own anyway).

I feel my live is over, and it has not even begun. I am happy for those who love being only children, but for me it is a daily living nightmare.

Sarah Brook, UK

After pre-eclampsia, and the serious physical illness I suffered in the year after having our son, my husband flat-out refused to consider having a second child. Having a second child was an option, albeit a high risk one to bring that child to term. I sometimes feel guilty, and wonder what it would be like to have a second child, however, we work hard to ensure our son has playmates, especially playmates who are only children themselves, fun weekly classes & playground time, where he can be around other children on a regular basis.

I have three brothers, one of whom has three children, the others who don’t currently want to have children. My brother & sister-in-law, with three kids, are vocal about how selfish we are for not having another child, and how spoiled and lonely our son will become. This hurts, as they can see how beautifully behaved and empathetic our son is, and they know the risks of another pregnancy for me, yet still they comment.

Their children have minor health problems that aren’t attended to, despite my brother’s wealth; are in care 5 days a week, for 11 hours a day, for convenience rather than for financial reasons, are ignored or left with friends in favour of weekends of drinking/gaming; are left housebound each weekend and holidays, etc., parenting choices I feel concerned over and I don’t understand – but I choose not to make them feel guilty about this. It does feel unfair that they think they’re within their rights to criticise my son and I for what we can’t control. Being a parent of an only child I sometimes feel like ‘fair game’ to all and sundry.

Regardless, I feel we’re raising a bright and gentle boy who is considerate of his friends, his cousins and people of all ages.

As a daughter with three siblings, and two parents who have been in ill health for years, I can assure those who are raising only children that siblings can be a help or a hindrance when a parent is in poor health or of financial need. Regardless of their financial circumstance, my brothers have bot assisted my parents when they retired and struggled with their health and with money. Stroke, cancer, serious accident – my brothers rarely called my parents and none have ever visited when my mother or father have been hospitalised, even when the hospitalisation was for weeks at a time.

It’s an ongoing struggle for us to financially assist my parents and it’s not helped that two of my brothers, in their 40′s, still drain my parents’ meagre financial resources and continue to borrow money from them to service long periods of voluntary unemployment or overspending. I try to see my brothers, regularly, more for my son’s/my nephews’/my parents’ sake, but they visit me perhaps once in every 5 years – about the same as they visit my parents. Despite this, my parents continue to pander to my brothers whilst they lean on my husband and I. It fosters arguments between my husband and I, and makes me feel burdened and resentful, sometimes, and wishing I had no siblings at all.

Whenever I feel guilt about having only one child, I think of my own family situation, and the strain my husband and I – and my parents – are under and feel blessed that, whatever problems my son has – they’ll be just his own.

To the comment that having only one child is “selfish and cruel” – the commentator, and not the object of commentary, characterizes this.

Only child as an adult = Miserable and depressed unless you have someone who understands you and you can talk to.

Personally no one understands, my Dad is also an only child so I think he gets it a bit, but my mother is so oblivious and conduluded. I am a human emotional mirror, if someone is unhappy, I am therefore unhappy. I try to surround myself with happy people but it takes so long for me to express myself that they get fed up with me and they themselves give up trying to be happy. I’m so afraid of expressing myself in case I get judged or embarassed, and there are a lot of inconsiderate judgemental people out there. I thought the world cared more when I was younger with the fairytale fantasy world that gets portrayed to you and then expected to just accept that it’s the opposite.

Much love to any only child out there, and an honest f*ck you to those who choose to judge and assume the worst instead of trying to understand. Having only one child is selfish and cruel, especially if the parents kid themselves that they know how to raise one.

John.

And yes, I know others who have wonderful and loving relationships with their brothers and sisters. But simply having them guarantees nothing.

The same applies to those who are parents. Heaven forbid, but you may have two children and lose one to illness or accident. The same if you have three, four, five children. The world is uncertain and unforgiving.

As parents, we try to raise our children to be independent while being able to form relationships with others. To be able to thrive in a group, and to be comfortable on their own. This is a duty and challenge regardless of how many kids you have.

As children, we learn as we become adults that we are responsible for our own happiness, for honesty and meaning in our relationships with others, and that we must come to own our life stories – always a mix of good and bad. This is a duty and challenge regardless of how many siblings you have.